Of Lolita and Loniless
by Ineedcake8541
Summary: You know the story. 'Light of my life, fire of my loins, my sin, my soul'. A teacher infatuated with a student, resulting in consequences.
1. Spring Blossoms

Well then, I don't own the characters. Done.

* * *

Anthony had his Cleopatra. Paris had his Helen of Troy. Both men are blinded by love, allowing them to do the unthinkable. I was one. Now you may wonder how much of an impact this woman had on me. But you can decide later as I tell you every detail. My name is Arthur Kirkland. I am 36 years old, single, green eyes and blond hair that resembled powder on the beach and a teacher at a secondary school in London. I teach English, which of course, always bore the students to the slumber. Pity them, but that was what I was paid for, to bore the young minds as they forget the old. But I remembered a particular year, that...woman came around. I never noticed her. She had that scowl, that anger. Like black petals that protected the frail core of a rose. Dark hair, curly, in a braid to obey the school rules. A skin with a light tan, olive, my guess. Her eyes...a light brown. She was like earth when I see her. I always passed by her desk without looking twice at first, for she just looked like any ordinary schoolgirl. Lovina Vargas is her name. Of course I have seen so many...'nymphets' according to Humbert in 'Lolita', and I remembered a year where there was this other girl. Ah, but she is of no concern. How I finally did noticed her? Her perfume.

I remembered it was a cold spring, for some reason. The term is going to end soon and I was giving them the last bit homework of the day. When the class gratefully scattered out of the stuffy room that bores them, she only remained, a notepad in hand. "Sir?" Ah, the first glimpse of her voice. Being polite as I always was, I sat on my table as she sat next to me. That was when...I hinted that smell, a light rose blended together with cinnamon. A breath of fresh air, from the cheap vanilla and sugary scents that always made my face form excessive lines than I needed, aging was catching up after all. "I-I'm not quite sure about what are we supposed to do. Just...theme and synopsis? " Her voice seemed confused, a little bit...dazed it seems. I just nodded. "Yes, that is all, Miss Vargas." I seemed to say, with my voice as calm as water in a pond. She smiled at me, nodding before she left and closing the class room door.

You didn't need to know how long I stared at that door, thinking of nothing but her perfume.

* * *

I always loved my office. A view of the Fauna, wildflowers blooming all around with the trees being a good source of inspiration. Ah...the roses were now forming it's buds, untouched by many. I wonder if she, was remained unscathed? Surely when you reach the sweet age of 15 by the time, especially in a place like London, her legs would have already been spread apart for another. Would it be wrong for a single man my age desiring for someone unplucked, a shape only I knew I own and for my own's eyes delight? Afterall, it was only natural to give into my most basic insticts, to find the most desirable virgin, curvy as her bosom will feed my young and her hips for fertility and make her mines, bearing only my children. Was it a crime, going against such impulses? Has the laws of society really forgotten that age did not matter?

I needed to stop. It was illegal, I could be charged with statutory rape. She is only 15. Only a young sweet girl, with dreams of college and a future. So pure...but is she really pure? I tried to shake off the thoughts as I typed out the exam papers and to submit it for some reviewing. I sighed as I print it up. I need some shots of whiskey to clear my thoughts, visions of confused feelings of either lust or love or emotions in the desire to posses her was already creeping into my head like some blossoming flower in my brain that kept on going and going and going till it will eventually die off. Or maybe it won't I don't know, seeing I have been noticing her every move this whole term.

_"Sir?"_

Oh what now? Dear lord, it was her again.

_" ... I-I came for something."_

_"Speak it then, Miss Vargas. "_

_"I need to talk about my grade. Granted I am not so good, but is there anyway I could raise it up? Till a pass or credit, maybe?"_

Such a sweet flower was already asking me such questions and a favour from me. She had a been a good girl other than the occasional temper flares in class, but granted, I could be even annoyed with such people poking me in the cheek or asking me If I wanted a tomato. Maybe this once I wil help this flower transform its bud so it can blossom, letting me count the petals and admire it's colours.

_"You have been a good girl, Miss Vargas. I'll help you this time around, and make sure you do pass. After school, meet me on Tuesday at the same class I thought you this subject. I'll give you extra lessons."_

_"G-grazie ah Dio...Grazie, Mr Kirkland, I-I mean Thank you...Sorry for that, Italian heritage..."_

She quickly lowered her head and walked out, she looked grateful when I gave her that pass. The light that lit up, is it a crime for me to capture it and put it in a jar, looking at it till days have passed and that warm feeling in me will remain in my center?

* * *

A shot, and another. I really need to get pass the violent drunks and cheap whores here in this dingy pub. What can I complain, better than nothing, I suppose, a drink is a drink. For many one might think I could go to a better place. But I like it here, the inspiration is flowing greatly here. I could not ask for more than this filth. I need this kind of filth, maybe because deep down I am filthy myself.

I took my things and left the pub. That is enough for today, I need to save myself from drunkness for it is a weekday night. I just came to calm myself, and to know where I belong.

I am no different then these people after all.

* * *

I massaged my temples. I really need a ciggie lit to fill in my lungs, though I had quit some time back by going cold turkey. Hard like hell, but it was worth it in the end. Some of the stress had kicked in into my head, or maybe I was preparing myself to see her again. It was almost warm lately, summer is coming in. I mentally prepared some questions for her arrival soon enough. She always on time, the beautiful flower for her classes that were to help her pass. Ah, here she is, not wearing the school sweater, just the short sleeved shirt and tie, the skirt passed her knee and her legs adorned with tight black socks and brown shoes. I relaxed and looked on at her, urging her to take a seat right next to me.

_"On time as always."_

_"Yes. How can I miss the class that will pass me?"_

_"Well then."_

I opened the book for the subject we studied that term, Gothe's Faust. I wondered if I had any connections to such a man, afterall he was tempted by the devil himself. I asked her so many questions and instruct it to put on paper, as prove for her credits soon enough. She seemed so alert and refered to the book and I see so many sentences with yellow highlighter ink went across it. She had been a good girl, maybe she will be pure for my eyes only. Oh what am I saying, I need to rid myself of such thoughts. I thought I had peace in me already.

_"From what I see you are doing well. You can pass."_

_"I-I want to work to a credit sir. "_

_"Isn't a pass already good enough?"_

_"No. If I need extra classes so be it."_

_"If that is what you wish."_

She nodded and stood up, moving on to sit on my table with her legs crossed. "Don't think I did not know about your stares for the 3 months this term. What where you thinking, Mr. Kirkland, my legs, my chest?" She raised an eyebrow. I should have know I was not a good actor at such things like these, acting out on my perverted thoughts. She loosened her tie and her ribbon that held her hair in place, allowing Grecian like curls to fall all over her shoulders in a form of an elegant mess. If this was Helen of Troy, I see why Paris was willing to put his kingdom into war. It was all worth it in the end.

_"I..."_

_"Save it. I am curious afterall, a little fresh daisy for you. Teach me sir, on my first experience like this."_

She looked down at her legs and kicked her shoes away, letting her socks come down to her ankles and gathered her skirt to her hips, the full form of it was now in my full view, golden skin glittered in the evening sun purely for me to look and gaze at. A fresh young thing was offering me her legs. With a trembling hand I grasped her knee, moving it to her upper legs and I lay my head on her lap, breathing into the perfume that haunted my nose for weeks. I kissed it, I took it all in. I finally gave into sin, yet I could not stop for that sin, became my very soul in this world I live in, which was full of loneliness. I looked up at her, she had that smirk on her face. I could not turn back, no not ever. I could not resist herafter all.


	2. First Summer

Well then, I don't own the characters. Done.

* * *

On the summer she turned 16, my patience has paid off. I waited for her for too long now. So far what I only did was touch her in areas a man can only dream off in touching someone so fresh, but we agreed to no penetration till she was legal enough. Fair is fair, though this might cost me my job or my sanity, I'm not sure what. But I did not care, beauty was blossoming into my lonely world of telly and dinners in the fridge. We moved to my place to make it more private, to ward off the gossipers about her private classes with me. I was going to teach English afterall to the A level students, which is where she will be going, so she had an added advantage as I pondered on what to read and select for the term. It could be 'the Master and Margarita', or maybe 'Lolita', If I had to choose, it be Lolita. I was Humbert himself you see, if I had to find a character that suited me well in any form. Upon seeing her walk through my door, I smiled. Tuesdays are the days I look forward to now, without fail even on rain or shine in these summer months, she could come in with her blouse undone I would stare, if she permitted I would lay my hand against it, cupping it's tender flesh and I breathed into her neck. Sometimes it is a skirt she was in or short jeans. I will graze on the pair and if she allow me, I will splatter kisses all over the skin as she lay in my sofa fanning herself to keep herself cool. She was no longer wearing the modest school uniform anymore, just a mere singlet with her bra peeking out and jeans shorts or a mini skirt with a transparent blouse. I blame the weather for such an occasion as this, I wanted her skin to be for my eyes only. Was that a crime?

Her birthday was yesterday. I walked to her home, agreed to pick her up that afternoon on Friday. Upon my arrival the sleepy street located in a quiet and boring housing area voices are heard, something like the screeches of hell echoed. An old man and her voice were the ones at a brutal war among the other. Stamping on the stairway was heard and a slamming of the door. It was her again with her sister. Granted Felicia was more pretty then Lovina, but only Lovina had the power to seduce any man, now she realized it. Felicia was still too innocent. Some words of comfort between the two, she nodded and headed to my direction. Eyeliner, torn stockings, some dress my mother would have worn and boots, she peeked her head into my car, looking somewhat relieved.

_"Took you long enough, you old fart."_

_"I was on time. You weren't."_

She sighed as she got inside my car, crossing her legs. Fondling for the compartments of my Beetle car, she sighed and gave up, then digging her bag and slapped her forehead in defeat, as if clearly she had forgotten something and lay on her head rest, looking frustrated.

_"Hm?"_

_"I need a fag. "_

_"You don't."_

_"Look, I don't need another adult telling me off in my life choices."_

She was feisty and I could not ask for more. I smiled to myself, stopping by a gas station outskirts of town. I needed to get some condoms anyway, can't play it too risky with her. I paid for my petrol fee and looked at her. The teenage boy that served behind the counter did not care on my intentions with her, he was just doing his job after all. I got back into my car and pumped it with gas, seeing her so bored as she put her legs up to her chest, looking at a terribly done manicure she did on her hands. I knocked on her window and she opened it, raising an eyebrow.

_"Here. Hope you like Marlboro and some gum."_

_"Thanks."_

She took the small plastic bag and looked at the contents at it. She didn't want to complain as she lit a ciggie, winding down the window to prevent a smell fogging into my car. Ah young people, She really did not care about the rule of not smoking in a petrol station. Needless to say I did not say much and closed the gas opening of my car, getting into the driver's seat to go off to my place. Ah England and it's lush country side. Green and slightly warm thanks to the summer months, I could not ask for more. I saw her flicker her cigarette out the window, looking at the road she knew well since her final term. She began to unwrap a gum, slowly chewing on it as I hear the echo of it and she hummed something you'd get tired of hearing on the radio in your car or the mall's background music playing it non-stop till it makes you want to get out of the place immediately. I stopped driving once I finished parking, my place a few streets away from hers, but a hassle if you are feeling lazy or you have too much things to carry. I opened the door and she immediately tossed her bag into my coffee table and lay on my sofa, not caring for anything.

_"Shoes off."_

_"Fine."_

She kicked it off as she looked at me annoyed, wiping off her pink lip gloss. I fondled with her stockings the minute I sat on the coffee table, eying at her. Torn all right, some people think it was the most inappropriate thing known. I think it was a tease, even if my lips and hands have grazed the same pair over and over again. She lay on the sofa, giggling, daring me to take it off from her. I smirked as I did, she laughed and threw a pillow on my direction, narrowly missing. We both laughed and she got up, still smiling.

_"You still want the whole schoolgirl look?"_

_"Maybe."_

_"That is not helping. You fantasize about me without any black panda eyes. I might as well do it."_

She said this with a bit of an annoyance that she seemed to enjoy, getting up and into my kitchen for the tissues, splashing her face with water and the eyeliner melted off, her natural beauty was showing in full glamour in the summer sun. I smiled, she now looked like those innocent girls I've seen in my uncle's photos, so pure, so sweet , as if they really did loved the camera that was already freezing that particular moment, that moment of youthfulness, that beauty. I was careful to have it locked in my memory with her being like that.

_"Better?"_

_"More than that."_

She came at my direction and planted a kiss on my lips, I kissed back and carried her to the bedroom, where we stopped. She blinked and looked at me, wondering why. She then stood on my bed, cracking her neck and taking off her headband, the dress slipping off her shoulders. She knew it very well, all the glimmers of her golden skin was as if my toxin, but it was a good toxin. I smiled and got on my knees, worshiping her feet. A sudden light weight was on my face, realizing it was her dress. I looked up, seeing her in her underwear and I was looking at the Roman goddess Venus herself. I could not ask for more and took her by the waist, kissing her in a frantic. All I knew next was a packet of condom being ripped apart, clothes off and sweat, fluids were all staining my white sheets. Just seeing her face groan in such high intense pleasure made me proud in a way. I looked at her, she was looking at the stained sheets. It had her blood, granted. At least I knew I was truly her first, as I kissed her cheek.

_"Did it hurt?"_

_"A bit. Then slowly you get the pleasure."_

I lay on top of her, kissing her again. Dear lord she was a good slow toxic drug that I could not refuse nor deny, yet she made it all worthwhile. This beautiful thing was a light, a window. How dare I ask more from such a beautiful flower?


	3. Autumn Falls

Well then, I don't own the characters. Done.

* * *

When I saw outside the leaves had turned brown, I looked over at her, lying on the sofa like she always had. She had stayed, moving out of her own home and making it cozy for me at the very least. Such teenage rebellion, you do not want to know what lengths she went to move in my place. All I was aware was the screaming and crying from both her grandfather and sister, and she did not care less, already so distant from them. Was I , her form of escape, to at least a place that she felt like she was needed? But all that matters to me at least, the space remained occupied, but that is all that really matters, the very least I felt a presence in my empty house .Ah the smiles and the laughter that went along with her, since it was summer we just spend the time knowing and loving the other. It's all I ask, a presence into my cold world. Was that too much to ask? Just something to be there and greet me everytime when I wake up?

Except, this was not one of those times when we would be smiling as we heard it go poor thing, she had been sick for many a weeks,heartburn, vomiting, hungry all the time, she too was even worried like I was. For, I was also on the brink of madness, for even a man my age, who should be at least have achild to call his own, I am now scared for my inexperience. Shaking, her hands were that day, I too was clenching, hoping it was not true. But it was. All she had to look were the dreaded plus sign. She showed it to me, and I was too, shocked. I looked at her, she looked at me. Did she really have to give up her dreams to go somewhere to study further? Or was she already mentally prepared to become a mother, rasing the child while I'll come back with warm food on the table? So many questions lay on my own head, that till the point I was already going mad.

_"Do you want the child?"_

_"..."_

_"Please, say something!"_

_"Lovina, the choice is yours to keep. If you want an abortion-"_

_"No! For God sakes, NO! THIS-THIS IS A LIFE!"_

_"..."_

_"I-I want to keep it. Like it or not, you put in here, you are responsible."_

_"Of course."_

Needless to say, we did not speak much since then. My guess she had realized our little fling turned into something serious. No longer did she had to rebeled, now facing one of the concequences. Still I loved her, even if I felt she was going to wilt. Oh my precious flower, yet you still eminate warmth though as if you are dying. So many a time I tried to break that silence between us, she would still remain silent and as if she was forced to remain quiet. I gave up after trying for so long. What can I do to help her, if she does not want to help herself? Lost in shock, swimming in confusion, choked by reality. So her dreams were to die, her future diminished, her life...was now mines to hold. Is this a blessing or a curse? That she had no where else to go, other than me? Oh dear, my sweet, I will earn more money to ensure your college future, your dream. And our child as well. It is the very least thing I can do to you, to pay and compensate for my guilt.

_"Arthur?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Ensure with me, that our child will know a loving house the very least."_

_"With everything I hold dear."_

When she talked about that, she was already starting to show. No longer in short pants, that had been replaced with long dresses, and her teenage look melted away. In replace of that bright, full of energy of a flower was a woman who had matured, big with my own child. Sometimes I hear her hum to her baby inside, while studying to get into an online course. She herself was not sure what to take, I told her to take her time. Often I held her belly to feel for our child, happy it had responded well to my touch and her voice whenever she was already in discomfort, be it backache or nausea.

My workplace did not take well to my outer case of affairs. Too much into my own personal life, poking their nose where it should not be. Privacy does not matter, all they care is your reputation, not your skills in teaching. If my life the gossip in this small town? She was of course the legal age, free to love whoever she chose. She chose me, is that already such a crime to choose at your own free will? Or was it we are so bounded by society, it was not a case of breaking free, instead you have to follow the rules everytime you go, as if you inhale it, eat it, walk with it? Oh my, society, do we have to bend down to your norms? I would refuse so, I've already had found my beloved flower.

I had to obey, you see. A good deal of money and my job, again, was at the risk. I just wanted to get it over and done with towards the law, I had after all, the rules of society just had to play up again. Quite a case, you see, she was just right at the age of consent, stirred some newspapers, blast these fools with nothing to do, I just did not bother with them and they paid their attention elsewhere. We took to the stand, she and I. I held her hand, and she held mines , shielded by the table in front of us, and the chairs behind us. Us, against these miserable fools who will not understand anything. Give my sentence, or whatever I need to do to make sure my flower and our bud will be safe. I testified, so did she. She admitted it was all her doing, saying that she was not aware upon her seductive ways, saying she has matured and ready to raise her child, be it without any form of support, saying she genuinely loved me. I hear her grandfather calling her delusional, saying the most outrageous things like I casted a spell on her, I was the one that seduced her. I remembered the angry voice fading away, escorted out till he was much more calmer of a state to deal with. The time came and I , given my own statement. I do recall the very words I said on the cold autumn afternoon.

**_G__entlemen and gentle women of the jury. I have nothing more to say other than I, know my love for Ms. Lovina Vargas is wrong, damaging my career as a teacher that is supposed to educate the minors, not to approach a form of relationship with them. I am aware of it's consequences, it's risks. Yet I put everything on the line for the woman I loved. I would not have been more happy than in my state I am right now. I am soon to be a father, like any other man will know once his wife is pregnant. I do plan to properly wed her, take her in as my wife, and I believe she is matured enough to understand. Granted she, can continue her education if she wishes, with my support. I am aware of what will come, yet I am prepared to secure both her and her child's future. It is my duty to give them that right. All I ask, is that you will understand my love for her is sincere and true, and that this case will be dropped. I will then do the proper arrangements for us to be wed when she wishes to do so, and register our child. Will you not give this man a chance of happiness, give a chance to this potential family? That is all I ask. No further words, your honour._**


	4. Winter Chills

Well then, I don't own the characters. Done.

* * *

**_My dear Isabella._**

_You are so beautiful. Your mother's beauty surely soared greatly in you while you were in her womb. Yet it wilted, the minute I held her for the last time. I should have known, she was just only a poor girl, too young , too frail. The purpose of my letter is tell you what you should have known years ago. But I has often so scared that you will think differently of me. You'll see me as a monster, right? A terrible, fearful one. But it is best you hear it from my words than any other before I keep all the secrets you should know away, forgotten in old newspaper clippings and vengeful faces. I will start from the beginning._

_Your mother was a budding rose when I met her. Strange it was, but she had wit, she was brilliant. She never came for help until it was desperately needed. That is where I come in. I was a teacher and a madman, with some strange fascination with young girls. I was sane enough to not let my desires get over my head. But something about your mother fascinated me. I was so...eager to see her again. So...taken. I could not put in words. Your mother had her feisty side, which I noticed that later on. Dare I say, you posses all these traits._

_Your mother noticed my fascination and she responded. For once, my world lit up. Can you imagine, 30 years ago, I was so bored with life and I just carried on. And for once a window opened, allowing in warmth and happiness that I could not ever find in a million years. Well, even people would die to know all my secrets to my smile, at least that is what I like to think. Not to mention, I looked forward to seeing your mother from time to time. Now I know you are thinking I seduced your mother. You'll be surprised to find out that she was the one to make the 'first move'. My heart soared when she said yes._

_Then she was pregnant with you. My God, was I selfish for wanting an abortion? Yes I was, my dear Isabella. So scared of my reputation, to realize the window had came with such a heavy price. Your mother was a good Catholic, she could not bear the thought of an abortion. So I agreed. I held her hand every step. It was my duty as well, if I was to be a father, I was ready to face anything. I told your great grandfather and Aunt, they filed a lawsuit against me. I was ready for all that, letting them judge me. I already knew my love for your mother was undying and true. For there was nothing I had to lose at that point. The case was dismissed, and your mother moved in with me._

_I remember the day like it was yesterday. I held her in my arms on that winter night, discussing names. I wanted Anne for a girl, She wanted Isabella, if you were a boy, your name will most likely be William Sergio Kirkland-Vargas. I asked her to marry me, she said yes. I had no ring, just a simple question. I took too much of sweet time, and now I fully know my duties as husband and father. I could not be more sure at that moment. Her labour started soon after. I panicked and she hated hospitals due to a fear that they will take away her child, being her a teenager . I took her in the bathroom and held her hand with every push. You came out 3 hours later, with a set of healthy lungs. But your mother had fainted and I was in distress. I carried her and you to the car, driving as fast as I can. I remembered the waiting, I just sat there like a broken doll. I wanted to hold your mother in my arms or at least to have you in my lap. Then the doctor came. Your mother could not have that wedding dress on the window shop display she adored so much, nor see you grow up to become a woman that you are now. I held her in my arms, saying not to cry, for she had given me so much happiness, the very least was for me to smile before she went off. I love you, she said, kissing my tears away and apologized that she was the first one to go. Her last breath came soon after, she had a smile in her face. And that is when I really had broken down._

_I had to tell your great-grand father and aunt what happened. They still will not forgive me, till this very day. I understand why. I cried and cried, but then a nurse came in with you. I held you and apologized repeatedly, what will you do not knowing a mother. I could have been selfish and put you in an orphanage, never knowing your real parents as I wasted my life away in alcohol. I could, but how can I forget that your mother had given me a gift this precious, she would have shaken her head if I went towards alcohol. So I raised you like any other single father would. But as you grew up, I know now, what your mother's vows meant. She never had left me, you now had taken place as my window of light. Of course the police came in and questioned my motives, the usual, I had to clear it up. I struggled with getting a job, but at least we managed each time. I downgraded to a small college in the London outskirts, but it still pays the bills. You grew up, is and maybe, just maybe, I realized I had been selfish. All this while, was it me that took away your mother's youth? Or was it I was so compelled with my own fascination with the young rose bud?_

_I hope you know the real truth on your parentage. Granted I was not the perfect father. But I did my best, and hopefully to your standards, my best was good enough. I know you would not talk to me since you found out your mother was too young by society's standards and that I, was pedophile. I know I was a lonely man. And I will die lonely, not knowing a single care in the world, for who really does care for a man this age? I'm so sorry, I would love to see you in that wedding dress. I hope he is a good man. And maybe I can commit to doing my final duties as a father, for you, Isabella, I loved your mother as great as I cherished the sun. And I cared deeply for you and gave all I had. I'm happy and proud of you, Isabella Anne Kirkland-Vargas._

_Your father,_

**_Arthur Kirkland._**

* * *

I had been coughing a lot lately. Age was not kind to an old man. I had been wondering long and deep as the wrinkles formed and the hair turned white. I shoved the letter in an envelope and wrote there, 'For my 'Butterfly among the Rose'. Isabella will understand it was for her. The winter season was fading into spring. Ah the seasons. Was my relationship with Lovina like the seasons that come and go? I had no clue, nor do I wish to answer it. Ah, the bells had rung. It was college graduation. This once, for I always skipped out on it, I peeked through the window. The cheers were empty. Not because of joy, but the sound of Lovina's voice should have been there, her future bright. I still regretted my actions, will she ever forgive me? I looked over the photograph that lay, knowing that it had been a good life. Lovina loved me more than any other man, I loved her more than any other woman. My heart suddenly stopped, I felt no pain, just her warmth that finally warmed my winter years.

**_The end._**


End file.
